Tips for settling in another country with children

When my husband and I decided to immigrate to Canada, I remember myself having two main concerns. The first one was how to tell my 8-years old daughter about our decision. The second was how to tell my mom.

I decided to start with my mom. Actually, that was unexpectedly easy. She totally supported us, as she always does.

I was more concerned, however, about my daughter. She is a little shy (maybe “a lot”) and very loyal to her friendships.  I knew we had to take care of this with patience and love.

Once we had sent our visa application, even though we hadn’t had any answers yet, we decided that it was time to tell her.

So, we started “the” dialogue, simplified here.

Us: We decided to move to Canada, you know that is another country, right? We will live there.

She: When?

Us: When we have our documents released (and we briefly explained her the visa process and how it works to live in another country).

She: What language do they speak?

Us: They speak English.

She: But I don’t speak English.

Us: That’s ok. You will learn it.

And from that moment my heart started to break. I knew, from my previous experience in London, England, how hard it is not to speak the country’s language. I also knew how hard it is to leave everything behind. So, she took some private English classes and also started an English course, where she only learned the basics, the survival structures. Our intention was to familiarize her with the language.

We were always open to talk to her about Canada, to make plans and share our expectations. We were also open to listen her concerns and to address every fear of her with love and understanding.  The hardest one was when she started to become worried about her friends. And how she would make new friends. Or how often she would see her friends from Brazil. Not always we have answers to our children’s questions. But we have tried really hard to make everything as honest as possible to her. To decide to move to another country isn’t an easy decision but it was the right one for us.

Here are some tips that we have learned with our journey so far:

·      Try to explain to your children early on in the process what is happening, even if they are very young. Make the children feel involved. Be simple, concise and honest.

·      Don’t anticipate possible questions they may have. Induce the conversation, but do not make questions for them. Questions will come up naturally. Answer all the questions they ask with honesty and sincerity.

·      Don’t diminish their feelings. Do not say things like “it’s easy”, or “it’s nothing”. Instead say, “it’s not easy, but we can handle it together, we have each other to support and care.”

·      Take their favorite toys/stuff with you, even though it may be cheaper to buy them again when you get there. In particular, use some of your hand luggage allowance for their favorite toy.

·      Take with you as much as possible of the familiar things your child uses daily. Being able to see familiar stuff make them feel safe.

·      Take photos of the most silly things that make up your children’s world: their room, their friends, the grown-ups they know, the places they go to, the kitchen in their old home. Even take pictures of their toys. Print the photos and put them in an album that your child can keep in their new room. More than anything else, it builds a bridge to their new life.

·      Be around a lot for your children when settling into your new life. You may be the only familiar face they know and if they can see that you are calm and happy, they probably will be too. This is the most challenging thing of all to do because there is so much to do when setting up a new life abroad, but anything you can do will help.

·      Try to ensure you can get a decent Internet connection along with a webcam and a Skype account. Allow your children to connect with family and friends as much as they need. Naturally, they will engage on their new life and seek for familiar references will became less necessary with the time.

·      Lastly, tell your children how much you love them. Always. Everyday. Cuddle, hug, and make them feel safe and loved.  Children adapt to new places.  They just need (as we need too) some time.

My daughter is doing very well. We are super proud of her! She has started to communicate in English just after two months being here! She has made new friends! She still misses her friends from Brazil, and we are still learning how to deal with the distance from our families. But, more importantly, we are together!