Tips for settling in another country with children

When my husband and I decided to immigrate to Canada, I remember myself having two main concerns. The first one was how to tell my 8-years old daughter about our decision. The second was how to tell my mom.

I decided to start with my mom. Actually, that was unexpectedly easy. She totally supported us, as she always does.

I was more concerned, however, about my daughter. She is a little shy (maybe “a lot”) and very loyal to her friendships.  I knew we had to take care of this with patience and love.

Once we had sent our visa application, even though we hadn’t had any answers yet, we decided that it was time to tell her.

So, we started “the” dialogue, simplified here.

Us: We decided to move to Canada, you know that is another country, right? We will live there.

She: When?

Us: When we have our documents released (and we briefly explained her the visa process and how it works to live in another country).

She: What language do they speak?

Us: They speak English.

She: But I don’t speak English.

Us: That’s ok. You will learn it.

And from that moment my heart started to break. I knew, from my previous experience in London, England, how hard it is not to speak the country’s language. I also knew how hard it is to leave everything behind. So, she took some private English classes and also started an English course, where she only learned the basics, the survival structures. Our intention was to familiarize her with the language.

We were always open to talk to her about Canada, to make plans and share our expectations. We were also open to listen her concerns and to address every fear of her with love and understanding.  The hardest one was when she started to become worried about her friends. And how she would make new friends. Or how often she would see her friends from Brazil. Not always we have answers to our children’s questions. But we have tried really hard to make everything as honest as possible to her. To decide to move to another country isn’t an easy decision but it was the right one for us.

Here are some tips that we have learned with our journey so far:

·      Try to explain to your children early on in the process what is happening, even if they are very young. Make the children feel involved. Be simple, concise and honest.

·      Don’t anticipate possible questions they may have. Induce the conversation, but do not make questions for them. Questions will come up naturally. Answer all the questions they ask with honesty and sincerity.

·      Don’t diminish their feelings. Do not say things like “it’s easy”, or “it’s nothing”. Instead say, “it’s not easy, but we can handle it together, we have each other to support and care.”

·      Take their favorite toys/stuff with you, even though it may be cheaper to buy them again when you get there. In particular, use some of your hand luggage allowance for their favorite toy.

·      Take with you as much as possible of the familiar things your child uses daily. Being able to see familiar stuff make them feel safe.

·      Take photos of the most silly things that make up your children’s world: their room, their friends, the grown-ups they know, the places they go to, the kitchen in their old home. Even take pictures of their toys. Print the photos and put them in an album that your child can keep in their new room. More than anything else, it builds a bridge to their new life.

·      Be around a lot for your children when settling into your new life. You may be the only familiar face they know and if they can see that you are calm and happy, they probably will be too. This is the most challenging thing of all to do because there is so much to do when setting up a new life abroad, but anything you can do will help.

·      Try to ensure you can get a decent Internet connection along with a webcam and a Skype account. Allow your children to connect with family and friends as much as they need. Naturally, they will engage on their new life and seek for familiar references will became less necessary with the time.

·      Lastly, tell your children how much you love them. Always. Everyday. Cuddle, hug, and make them feel safe and loved.  Children adapt to new places.  They just need (as we need too) some time.

My daughter is doing very well. We are super proud of her! She has started to communicate in English just after two months being here! She has made new friends! She still misses her friends from Brazil, and we are still learning how to deal with the distance from our families. But, more importantly, we are together!

My dream of becoming a citizen...

Of the world.

Hello! I am Carol and I am an immigrant. Actually, not yet… I am in the process of getting a permanent status in Canada. But my family and I have the intention to settle here, so I would consider us immigrants already.

We are a family of three: my husband, my 10 years old daughter and myself. We have been living here in Canada for one year and two months. Since we moved we have been through so many experiences and emotions. I would dare to say that sometimes it seems we are in a roller coaster (with all the good and the bad that a roller coaster can possibly have).

It all started two years ago, at the end of 2013, when my husband and I decided to live overseas again. We are from Brazil and we have had this experience before, we have spent 5 years in London, England. Actually, we met there. But this is another story, for another post maybe.

Once we had decided to come to Canada, we started to research tirelessly (I mean it) about all the process of moving to another country. And every day of our lives since we decided to move until the day we got here, was about dreaming of our new home… And planning.

First of all, let me emphasize that this blog is not about immigration laws. Each country has its own rules. Consider visit the country’s website if you are interested in that. Canada, for example.

This blog is about our experience, our emotions, and our adventure. It’s about getting out of the comfort zone. It’s about questions, possibilities and dreams.

It is about a word that it does not even exist in English.

Saudades.

It’s a Portuguese word that it does not exist in English. It has a lot of feelings and emotions, and a very deep sense of compassion. It’s a noun and means that you profoundly miss somebody, but it’s deeper than that. It involves nostalgia and heartache at the same time. And believe me, still can be a positive feeling.

This blog is about life.

                 

I don't like the word immigrant.

I actually hate it. It sounds fragile to me. Sounds almost illegal and perhaps that is the overall perception people have on immigrants. When I tell people, with my strong accent, that I am from Brazil, sometimes I can feel the sorrow or the embarrassment on their voice.

It’s ok. Being an immigrant, fortunately, was my choice. Was my dream.

My husband and I wanted so badly to experience this that we take our new life as a wonderful chance to start fresh. That is a gift to us and it is amazing!

Immigrants who have chosen to immigrate usually are very strong people, who know what they want and work hard, very hard to get it. They possibly will have accents. And they will speak two (or more) languages. They will know two or more cultures. They are aware of diversity as nobody else.

I wish the word immigrant had a more positive meaning. And I wish the word - and the immigrants - were associated to courage, resilience, and strength.

Yes, we are immigrants. We took the route to Winnipeg!